The Torch of The Craft

The more I’ve worked with athletes, coaches and business leaders, the more I’ve witnessed why questions driving people internal and at times shutting down the process of personal evolution. Why questions run the risk of causing us to feel like something is wrong with us.
Why do I keep making the same mistake?

Could be changed to…

What is it in this situation that I’m missing that is leading to me making the same mistake over and over again?

Why can’t I play how I know I can or should play?

Could be changed to…

What is getting in the way of me playing freely? What is causing me to not trust who I am in the game?

If we fail to ask high quality, difficult questions of ourselves we will fail to guide a young person (or even a team) forward through their situations well. If we refuse to ask the questions we run the risk of handing the athlete a torch of responsibility who’s base is made from good intentions but it’s cloth is potentially soaked in guilt, shame, manipulation, our own ambitions for them, etc.

In all honesty, too many of us - parents, coaches, and athletes - are likely carrying a torch that flamed out aeons ago but the heaviness of responsibility kept us strong-arming down the path, stumbling as we move along bumpy terrain on new moon nights. Luminance is long forgotten.

We deceive ourselves into believing that the fading glow from the once-vibrant flame, meant to illuminate our path, still manages to cast shadows. The longer we walk dark paths with a dimming torch, the more frustration sets in within our spirit because we can’t fathom why we are clumsily stumbling forward. Be it a gradual dimming, allowing our eyes to acclimate, or an abrupt vanishing, the darkness remains intertwined with our journey. It’s vital that we gather the courage and willingness to step back and assess the situation, rather than affirming the veiled version we’ve persuaded ourselves to endure. Leaders do this with teams by saying things like, “We are better than this.”, “This isn’t us. We have to get back to playing like we know how to play.” Both while may be true are potentially useless in this scenario. Great phrases that fall flat on the ears of the listener.

The reality is our torch is either no longer burning or its nearing its last breath. Whether it was a slow fade or it was dunked in the river, the flame’s radiance has faded. A  mere echo of its former splendor. The byproduct of the faded flame in the athletic world is diminished performance.

Once ablaze with purpose and passion, now the athlete plods along through the darkness burdened by a lifeless torch, its flame faded, its spirit dimmed. When the flame dims, so do they. The work they expend dragging this hollow torch with them is like polishing brass on the titanic.

Athletes will fall back on physical reps in an attempt to fix low performance. But when the performance issue resides in the internal, physical reps rarely help. They may provide temporary relief or even a blip on the performance spectrum but a fix they are not. So when the time spent on additional skill work doesn’t result in improved performance, frustration expands outside the confines of self.

Frustrations reach is long. Its grip is tight. It will find its way into how an athlete views their coaches, their teammates, the team they’re up against and even the officials.

Sit in frustration long enough and disappointment will find a comfy den in your soul. It’s the uncle that sits in the reading nook of your grandmas house sipping his drink, periodically sticking his head around the corner to remind you how fucked up the world is as if any opposing viewpoint needs to be cut down with the scythe. The proverbial Debbie Downer always quick to point out the deceitful thought that this is just how it is - get used to it.

In disappointment there is minuscule room for focusing on the process. That mental real estate has been purchased and is ever growing in acreage. Focusing on the process would entail stepping out of the system, and your current headspace, to see it for what it is. This includes seeing yourself where you’re currently at. No bullshit. No Pollyanna rose colored glasses. Simply the reality of where you are.

If you’ve been living in frustration for too long your ability to see from a higher perspective is damn near impossible. You will find yourself tethered to the ground unable to climb to a healthier vantage point. So when you receive feedback, it is all too often met with positivity and wishful thinking rather than thoughtful instropection from the tethered listener. When a blindspot is revealed we can’t deny its existence. We must examine it, then determine how to move forward with the new information.

Immediate action is crucial for growth. Actions come from our beliefs. What we believe about the environment we are in as well as ourselves will determine what we decide to do. In order to create a healthy action out of a poor mental space one must become curious. Curious about themselves. Curious about the sport. Curious about the team. Curious about the system/program. Curious about all of it. Then utilize that curiosity by asking great what questions.